Grieving Through the Holidays: When the Season Isn’t Merry

The holidays are marketed as joyful and magical — but for anyone grieving, this time of year can feel heavy, lonely, or emotionally complicated.

I know this personally. My dad died the day after Thanksgiving when I was 16. Ever since, the holidays have carried a mix of memories, grief, pressure, nostalgia, and that strange feeling of being surrounded by celebration while your heart is quietly breaking.

If this resonates with you — whether your loss is recent or years old — you’re not alone. And your feelings make sense.

Why Grief Feels Harder During the Holidays

1. Traditions hold memories.

A smell, a song, an ornament — suddenly your heart is back in a moment you can no longer return to.

2. Family gatherings highlight the absence.

Someone should be here who isn’t.

3. Your body remembers anniversaries.

Grief lives in the nervous system. Even if your mind isn’t thinking about the date, your body often feels it.

4. Social pressure to “be merry.”

People mean well, but expectations add emotional weight.

5. Loneliness grows in contrast.

Everyone else’s smiles can make your grief feel louder.

How Grief Shows Up During the Holidays

Grief often appears as:

• Exhaustion

• Irritability

• Wanting to withdraw

• Feeling disconnected

• Waves of sadness

• Guilt for experiencing joy

• Difficulty being present

All of these are normal.

Therapist-Approved Ways to Cope With Holiday Grief

🌙 1. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.

You don’t owe holiday cheer to anyone.

🌙 2. Scale back your commitments.

You’re allowed to protect your energy.

🌙 3. Create a ritual to honor your loved one.

Light a candle. Cook their favorite dish. Visit a meaningful place. Say their name.

🌙 4. Set boundaries.

Script:

“The holidays are tough for me, and I may need more space or flexibility.”

🌙 5. Let grief and joy coexist.

Joy is not betrayal. Grief is not failure.

🌙 6. Plan ahead — loosely.

Allow yourself to change plans based on capacity.

🌙 7. Reach out for support.

Connection helps regulate grief.

If You Lost Someone Around the Holidays

Anniversary grief is real.
Your body may feel the loss before your conscious mind does.

You’re not “going backward.”
You’re remembering.
You’re honoring.
You’re surviving something hard.

You’re Allowed to Redefine the Holidays

You can:

• Start new traditions

• Modify old ones

• Skip what doesn’t feel safe

• Create quiet moments instead of big gatherings

• Find meaning in gentler ways

There is no “right” way to do the holidays after loss.

A Gentle Closing

If this season feels heavy, please know this:

Your grief is valid.
Your process is not wrong.
You are not alone.

If you want support navigating grief — whether fresh or decades old — I’m here to walk alongside you.

You deserve compassion, space, and care — especially now.